hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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