So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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