I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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