is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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