i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Let's paint friendship bongs
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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