Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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