Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize