I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
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I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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