I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Randomize
