We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
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I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Shame - the story of my life.
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