Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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