thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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