I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize