there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize