Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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