Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize