..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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