The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So squirting runs in the family.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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