her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
