Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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