saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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