Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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