I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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