So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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