dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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