You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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