i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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