everyone is single if you try hard enough
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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