dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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