If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If I die, sorry about rent.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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