you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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