I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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