i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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