I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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