I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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