My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
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I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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