Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
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Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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