Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize