I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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