i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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