I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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