one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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