I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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