he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize