Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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