we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Randomize