The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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