Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
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There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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