Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
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The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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