ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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