How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
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I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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