So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize