Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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